Thursday, July 2, 2009 @3:49 AM
Another update on my little philosophies of life...
I keep messing up the balance of life. I really do. Either my head's buried in the current time and only assessment and tests are my priority... or I fantasise about the bigger picture and dream of vague possibilities in the future, and completely forget that what I do now will get me there.
But its ok, cuz I have my whole life to get used to this :)
But I've kind of figured out what I'd like my bigger dream to be...
1. To become a person who can stand on their own... dream and achieve, have fun and fulfil my life to the fullest...
but 2. to have someone to share it with for life... that special beloved :)
As much as I love my beloved now... I haven't even realised the first dream. Perhaps I'm greedy? ;) But it's true that I have barely learnt to walk... I don't even know what I love doing, let alone what I'll do for a career. I can't even support myself... I'm very indecisive, and unsure all the time. Especially of myself. Which I shouldn't be.
But hey, I'm learning~
So, until I can be at a point where I'm more sure of myself, being involved in this search for a life partner is not something I can be a part of... directly. At least, it has a very high chance of ending the same way my first love did... (Of course, I still love him. But I'm just happy being able to talk to him and enjoy his company.)
I musn't forget... You have to learn to love yourself first, before you can love anyone else. Otherwise it's just admiration. And you'll just be a burden to the relationship and make it harder to grow.
"You know, there are 2 things in life I really wanted to work hard for and be patient for. One, was to become a doctor. Second, was you."
xxoo