Monday, June 15, 2009 @1:20 AM
"I want you right now, I want you right now, I want you right now
Give me a chance:
I could be fearless, I could be strong,
I could be me if thats what you want...
If that is what you want..."
...or rather, this is representative of my irrational side. Part of me goes 'its ok... I'm going to figure myself out, sort myself, love myself for who I am, and still enjoy the better things in life - like your company :) I'm glad you love me, even if its not as a couple.
I'm glad I had the chance to be with you and experience so much love and happiness.
I am slowly finding my feet again... I'm starting with putting myself into my academia. Well, you knew that already. :P But still. And I'm doing it for me... I'm learning what I can become :)
The only thing is...
Everything's just crashed down on me at once, it seems...
Dad's in hospital, You left me, and exams are just around the corner.
Wow... This will be a real test of strength...
I wonder if I manage to get through all this... will you be able to become closer to me again? I don't mean as a couple... but I do mean as people. As friends...
I look back at our entire history through these short 1 and 1/2 years... And it was all in shambles, wasnt it?
We never really had a good foundation. I wonder how we managed to skip that step.
Its funny...
I still don't know how you felt all that time. Or at least, I'm a little preoccupied atm to really put myself in your shoes... but I guess it was hard for you too.
I still ask myself things like "Why didn't we do this? Why didn't I say no when I knew I wasn't ready? Why didn't we talk things over? Why couldn't this come out differently? I wonder how I missed your entire progression from 'in love' to 'I can't give any more time. You're not ready.'
Had I been in constant contact with you all the time, would not being ready have mattered to you? Would I have had more time?
In the end, it's really not the point. Its happened.
I need to accept this, and learn from it, and then work out what I'll do in the future.
But also, in the end...
I still love you.
I'm so happy I met you. And I'm glad we can try again, as friends. Even if I'm back to square one... I can do it properly this time.
I miss you. I hope we can heal this awkwardness soon, because looking nervous really doesn't suit you :) Nor does being nervous around you anything I'm familiar with.
Talk to you soon...