Saturday, December 13, 2008 @10:56 PM
Somedays, I feel so compelled to take complete control of my life and wrench it from my parents' hands. Somedays, I don't give a damn. Somedays, I just want to throw it all away. Somedays, I plan everything down to the last detail, and I feel so confident of myself.
Somedays, I just look back and wonder... Was all that effort worth it?
What I hate more than anything is being stuck in between. Not being completely drenched, not being completely dry... but in between. Indecisive. Half-baked.
And its all about my
grades... Putting it into perspective with the rest of my life, a row of letters plastered next to a series of subjects doesn't seem all too significant. But when your parents see them, they hammer so much meaning and importance into them, leaving you feeling little more than a miserable slob whose efforts might as well have been nothing. Leaving you feeling so empty and alone.
At that point, you suffer silence. It doesn't matter that you try to talk to them. All you can do is sit and listen to them tell you what you've heard all your life. You drift in and out of the conversation, thinking of how they had abandoned you at the start of high school. They didn't realise it. They were too busy for that. And now, they don't know where they went wrong with you. You try to tell them, and they listen. But they don't understand. Instead, they continue to talk at you. And again, you sit and listen, waiting for them to stop.
And all you really wanted was for them to change. And to accept the change you were going through.
Oh, and btw I've been grounded. For the first time in my life. Since I don't usually go out. The only exception is for a pending Christmas party, and the weekends are free. But still.
It's the freaking HOLIDAYSSS!!!! WTFWTFWTFWTF T_T